Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
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If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
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