brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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