Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
