Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
