drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
