Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
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animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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