He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just blew my weed a kiss
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
