the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
