I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
