You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
