i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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