Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
