smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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