there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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