If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
