He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
