worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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