You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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