sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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