Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
