Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just want nice things and good sex
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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