is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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