His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
