You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
