Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
