I cockslap morals
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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