hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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