Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
