I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
