The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i permit you to call me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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