ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Your cock deserves a montage
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
