Betty ford says i'm here all night
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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