Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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