Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
