Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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