does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
