The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
