i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
