oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
