Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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