The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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