you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
