When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Lo siento on account of my penis...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
