I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize