She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Shame is for Republicans.
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