His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
