I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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