At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
