I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
