i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
