so that wasnt chicken after all
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
