Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Randomize
