grandma shit on top of the toilet
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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