around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
