I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
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you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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