I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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