just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
