Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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