I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
