Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize