so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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