I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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