remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
