I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
