i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
