She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
