I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
