I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
send nudes
from the living room?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
