Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
