after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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