Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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