Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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