My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
