woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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