Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
