drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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