i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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